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Post by WarriorOfMetal on Jun 24, 2006 0:17:37 GMT -5
Ralph arrived at his tax audit accompanied by another man. The IRS guy assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney.
Going over his records, the tax official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that?"
"I love to gamble and I usually win," replied Ralph.
The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.
"I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"
Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.
The official's jaw dropped.
Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet.
Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye.
The stunned official was now three grand in the hole.
"Want to go double or nothing?" asked Ralph. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again.
Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk.
The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it."
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Post by jackilyn on Jun 30, 2006 2:58:06 GMT -5
Why is the ocean angry?
You'd be angry too if you had crabs all over your bottom.
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Post by josh on Aug 14, 2006 20:52:40 GMT -5
About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface. With all the trucks and large vehicles there were two large figures that were dressed in full Lunar spacesuits.
Near by a Navajo sheep herder and his son where watching the strange creatures walk about, occasionally being tended by personnel. The two Navajo people were noticed and approached by the NASA personnel. Since the man did not know English, his son asked for him what the strange creatures were and the NASA people told them that they are just men that are getting ready to go to the moon. The man became very excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.
The NASA personnel thought this was a great idea so they rustled up a tape recorder. After the man gave them his message they asked his son to translate. His son would not.
Later, they tried a few more people on the reservation to translate, and every person they asked would chuckle and then refuse to translate. Finally, with cash in hand someone translated the message: "Watch out for these guys, they come to take your land."
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Post by jackilyn on Feb 22, 2007 16:42:43 GMT -5
one time i saw pessenger eating grapes and i was like "hey man you gotta wait"
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Post by princenething on Feb 22, 2007 23:46:45 GMT -5
hahahahahah.....i dont get it P_N
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Post by jackilyn on Feb 23, 2007 18:35:23 GMT -5
pessenger is a wino
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Post by princenething on Feb 23, 2007 22:54:49 GMT -5
P_N
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Post by Pushead on Feb 26, 2007 9:39:27 GMT -5
The Monsignor thinks back...sighs...and tells his community, "Well no, but he's a dead ringer for his brother." (get it?) I'm giggling sitting here writing it. The best thing about this joke is all the small side comments inside it. What makes it a great joke is by making it long. If it was short, no one would appreciate it. But if it's long, people will laugh that they wasted 5 minutes listening to it. I think I've strung this one out about 15 minutes before (I added a side story about a villiage boy named Sven, the Sweedish immigrant, adopted by a villiage widow. Sven had heard a bell before, and would cry at night because he thought he never would. Another time instead of the villiagers, I called them the Village People and had them singing YMCA in the plaza, and each member had their own speaking parts.) Please use this joke for good. Do not be temped by the dark side. For it is a powerful joke, and should be used to help people. 4 years later, still my favorite joke!
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Post by Dlognar on Feb 27, 2007 0:09:32 GMT -5
The Monsignor thinks back...sighs...and tells his community, "Well no, but he's a dead ringer for his brother." (get it?) I'm giggling sitting here writing it. The best thing about this joke is all the small side comments inside it. What makes it a great joke is by making it long. If it was short, no one would appreciate it. But if it's long, people will laugh that they wasted 5 minutes listening to it. I think I've strung this one out about 15 minutes before (I added a side story about a villiage boy named Sven, the Sweedish immigrant, adopted by a villiage widow. Sven had heard a bell before, and would cry at night because he thought he never would. Another time instead of the villiagers, I called them the Village People and had them singing YMCA in the plaza, and each member had their own speaking parts.) Please use this joke for good. Do not be temped by the dark side. For it is a powerful joke, and should be used to help people. 4 years later, still my favorite joke! I told a rendition of the joke to a friend of mine at work - and she about died. I have made a believer.
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Post by Pushead on Oct 7, 2008 15:34:00 GMT -5
One day a bear was chasing a rabbit through the forest, when they accidently knocked over a Genie's lamp. The Genie comes out and says "Hold it, hold it, hold it. Stop chasing each other! Since you let me out of my lamp, you each get three wishes."
The rabbit and the bear fought over who would wish first. The bear shoves the rabbit out of the way and says "I wish all of the bears in this forest except me were girls."
The Genie nods, snaps his fingers and says "done."
"I wish for a crash helmet," says the rabbit.
Looking down at the rabbit the bear says "That's a stupid waste of a wish."
Again, the Genie nods, snaps his fingers and says "done."
The bear then commands the Genie "I wish all of the bears in the world except me were girls!"
The Genie looks at him and says, "that's a big wish. I will grant it for you, but it will count for your last two wishes." He snaps his fingers and says "done."
The rabbit grins, and wishes "I wish I had a moped."
The Genie nods, snaps his fingers and says "done."
A moped appears on the ground in front of the rabbit. The rabbit jumps on, starts the engine, and speeds off toward the road. About five feet from the main road, the rabbit stops, turns around and yells "I wish the bear was gay."
;D
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Post by princenething on Oct 20, 2008 23:11:51 GMT -5
ROFL
P_N
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Post by barackobama on Nov 3, 2014 1:57:46 GMT -5
thanks for the post nice submission
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Post by barackobama on Nov 3, 2014 1:58:27 GMT -5
thanks for the post nice submission
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