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Post by Dlognar on Jul 5, 2002 13:02:02 GMT -5
Little Red Riding Hood's Observations One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest when she sees a wolf sitting under a tree with his ears erect and his mouth stretched in a big toothy grin. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf just grins and looks a bit wild about the eyes.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grins a bit wider and looks slightly harassed.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf pulls himself together, looks her in the eye and says, "Fuck off! I'm trying to take a dump!"
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Post by Dlognar on Jul 5, 2002 13:15:49 GMT -5
Hahahahahaha. ;D That's wonderful.
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Post by Led Metal on Jul 5, 2002 23:23:52 GMT -5
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
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Post by Led Metal on Jul 5, 2002 23:29:45 GMT -5
A Sweet Ass Story
It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.
I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?”
Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy!
I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots.
It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!”
Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.
She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?”
(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)
She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.
Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst!
Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.
Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!
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Post by Toxic_Avenger on Jul 6, 2002 0:12:40 GMT -5
love the golf list, i'm gonna print that off and give it to my dad. he'll laugh his ass off, he's a huge golf freak.
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Post by WarriorOfMetal on Jul 6, 2002 12:48:33 GMT -5
A Sweet Ass Story It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!” Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?” (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth! i've heard this one before ;D
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Post by Dlognar on Jul 6, 2002 12:52:29 GMT -5
I saw it on a key chain a while ago.
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Post by Dlognar on Jul 8, 2002 12:18:29 GMT -5
10 Things That Piss Me Off 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? 2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick.
3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
4. When people say, "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. "Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?
5. When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
6. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at the ceiling?
7. The radio ad: "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive. I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's sake
8. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, didja there buddy?
9. When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
10. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over.
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Post by rich on Jul 9, 2002 2:12:21 GMT -5
hahahaha some of those a real good
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Post by Toxic_Avenger on Jul 9, 2002 13:56:23 GMT -5
i sware, whenever someone would ask "can i ask you a question?" when i was in school, i would say no. but the dumbasses would always ask it anyway, i would just say "did you not hear me? i said no." and wouldnt answer. almost got into a couple fights, but it was them that didnt listen so i wouldnt argue. they would get all pissed off cause i would ignore them, but i didnt care. they're the ones that were acting like dumbasses for asking the question when i said no.
ok i'm done rambling now.
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Post by rich on Jul 11, 2002 0:45:29 GMT -5
HAHAHAHA, tox iam not going to ask you any questions but what was the point of that
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Post by Toxic_Avenger on Jul 11, 2002 11:54:45 GMT -5
like i said at the end, just rambling ;D
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Post by Dlognar on Jul 11, 2002 13:34:54 GMT -5
An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice up their life. As the boat pulled away from the dock, she leaned forward to wave, but went too far and dropped her hearing aid in the water! The man was upset, because now she wouldn't hear anything he said. When the steward showed them their room, he flipped out.
"Bunk Beds! That does it. Now I won't even get sex." That night she was standing there looking at the beds when he came out of the bathroom and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Up or down?" he asked. She immediately threw him on the bed and made love to him. This continued every night when he asked "up or down?" The cruise nearing its end, he decided that she was turned on by the beds. Immediately upon docking he went to the furniture store and bought a set of bunk beds. She returned home with her new hearing aid.
He said, "How do you like them?"
"What in the hell did you get bunk beds for?"
"Every night I asked you 'up or down' and you made wild passionate love to me. I thought they turned you on."
"Is that what you were saying? I thought you said 'fuck or drown!"
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Post by Dlognar on Jul 11, 2002 13:38:30 GMT -5
Hahahahaha. ;D
Are you remembering these or finding them online and pasting them?
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Post by Dlognar on Jul 11, 2002 13:41:00 GMT -5
I get them in my mail. Heh.
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